


I Left My Heart

by theBellaBeast



Series: The Heavenverse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-26
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 15:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/444479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theBellaBeast/pseuds/theBellaBeast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's work is done, and he is finally resting in heaven. He has it all, he has a family, the freedom to do whatever he wants, and an actual real live dog, but why does he still feel so empty inside?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Left My Heart

Dean's heaven still feels empty.

Dean still feels empty. Like he doesn't even have a heart.

His heart is supposed to be here. Waiting.

Waiting for Dean.

If Dean didn't know better he'd call this hell. But Dean knows better.

A small part of him would prefer hell, the rest of him can't make up it's mind.

Not with this pain shooting through him, numbing his happiness to a dull throb.

This is supposed to be heaven. It should be, his Mother and Father wave, he and Sam play in a park – just boys again, or just boys for the first time in their existence – and Gabe is stirring up the dog.

They have a dog, a real live fucking dog. His Daddy said he could keep him. His name is Gruff, Sammy chose it when he was five.

There are no guns in the impala.

His Daddy is teaching him how to fix an engine, he already knows – from trail and error on the road when he was just learning how to be alive – but now he's a dead and what matters is in the teaching.

He has grandparents.

And roast dinners.

And he got a bike for Christmas.

He loves it but he's still so empty. He feels ungrateful.

He knows his parents see it, and even Grammar and Grampar.

They don't say anything, they just crinkle their noses and love him some more and sometimes Grammar likes to tease him about how he spells her name. Sammy says it's ironic, but Sammy is only ten these days and shouldn't know what that word means. Dean doesn't. He hopes it's rude so Mom will tell him off for it next time he says it and makes Dean feel dumb.

He just wants a friend. Sammy has that stupid Gabriel to hang out with, why can't he have anyone?

There's a name that he doesn't want to think.

Whenever he thinks it, Sammy hugs him and Dean wants to cry.

Castiel.

An arm snakes around his shoulder, "Come on, Dean," Sammy is leaning precariously on his swing to get at him, "I want icecream."

And so they ask if they can get some icecream, and their parents let them, because this is heaven, and almost everything is perfect in heaven.

Dean helps Sammy though, because he's going to fall over if he tries to get off the swing like that.

Sammy isn't used to being small again yet – he forgets he isn't a moose yet – so he grabs Dean's hand and sort of jumps and lets dean sort of do the standing up for him.

It's when Dean is cursing their codependency and trying to put down his little bundle of Sammy that he sees him.

He tries to be as gentle as possible when he sort of accidentally drops Sammy a little bit.

"Fuck."

And he knows he shouldn't say that but he can't help it sometimes – it's really rather hard to be a kid when you're used to being all grown up, though sometimes it's shockingly easy as well.

And it was Cas, if anything was worth remembering how to swear it was the sight of a little teenaged Castiel in a little teenaged trench coat, smaller then Dean's used to seeing, but remarkably still too big.

His Castiel.

His heart is home.

His heart is smiling at him and cocking his head to the side.

And because he's fifteen now, and in heaven, and has his heart back to beat out of his chest he smiles back and rushes towards him, picking him and kissing him in the park until Sammy starts whining about icecream.

He knows he should be sad because this means that Cas and Jimmy are dead, but his heart is home and he is holding his hand and making plans to find out his favourite flavour of icecream.

He can't help but wish they had died sooner.

He wonders if this is what his mother felt like when his dad died.

"You know Cas, I know this sounds really bad, but I kind of wish you had died sooner."

Cas smiles with his eyes, the way Dean couldn't forget and wouldn't remember, and says, "I understand Dean. I wished for the same thing sometimes."

And his chest aches and his cheeks ache and he's happy and he's sad because his angel needs comforting and Dean...

Dean is finally complete.


End file.
